Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
