I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My ATM looks so different sober.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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