Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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