He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I currently don't understand fingers.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
