Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Welp...herpes.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
