i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
