Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
