hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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