how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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