I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
