Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
