there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize