Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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