Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
