We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
