Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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