He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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