Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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