I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This is my gift to your gina
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
