question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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