don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
