Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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