I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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