yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
