Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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