She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
