I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
