Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
