I want to stick my p in your. b.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
