My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
