Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you would pick up someone in the library
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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