But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
