im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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