Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
