I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
