yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
