I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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