I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
