She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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