I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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