I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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