do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
