the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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