Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
vagina is talking i cant
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
