he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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