are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
