I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
