One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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