He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
