I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
